Home In Your Heart
by kate04us
Summary: It's their fifth date and old-fashioned somehow lost its appeal. But what if the past casts its shadow over their new relationship?
1. Chapter 1

**Home In Your Heart**

 **Chapter 1**

by Kate04

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 **A/N:** This is set after 4x08 – Hostage of Fortune, but it's not really an add-on. It's the result of a long talk with that Sharon-voice inside my head where she insisted she get a more active role in her own love life. The fact that it's more than some pointless smut is thanks to **Kadi219** who gave me an inspiration for a little bit of angst.

Many thanks to the girls – you know who you are – for listening to my whining and for their suggestions and as always, a huge hug and thank you to **Rockin Robin B** for her wonderful beta job. I've played with it since, so all mistakes you find are MINE! ;-)

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox, not my toys. I'm just giving them something to do during this awful hiatus.

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 _The strength of a love is always misjudged if we evaluate it by its immediate cause and not the stress that went before it, the dark and hollow space full of disappointment and loneliness that precedes all the great events in the heart's history._

\- Stefan Zweig

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Sharon had not been in such a good mood in a long time. It was Saturday and so far they had not caught a case. It was their weekend off and Robbery-Homicide would take any cases that came in – unless it was something Taylor thought they could not handle. She hoped that the Assistant Chief would care too much about his budget to call them in, because she would hate for her plans to be ruined. _Their plans_ , she corrected, a smile creeping onto her face as she pinned up her hair. She went with a simple twist, held in place by a large clip. A few stubborn strands slipped free and curled around her face, but she let them be.

Standing in front of her closet in her dressing gown, she tried to decide what to wear. Andy had mentioned something about going to the beach, so she should keep her outfit simple, but at the same time she wanted to look nice. It was only their fifth date and she had been looking forward to this day for most of the week.

Their first date had gone surprisingly well, considering how long it had taken Andy to work up the courage to actually ask her. They had laughed about that, but at the time, she had started to become a little desperate. It was her own fault that he had hesitated for so long. After that slightly embarrassing evening at the Nutcracker the year before, they had been steadily growing closer, but then Stroh escaped and her focus had shifted away from their developing relationship. Their frequent dinners and other non-dates had dwindled down to hurried lunches and the occasional take-out dinner at her place, because she had not been willing to let Rusty out of her sight for longer than absolutely necessary.

Andy had understood her concern and her need have the kid where she could see him and he had taken a step back to give her room to deal with that situation. Once she had decided to let go of her obsession with Stroh and move on with her life, she had tried to send him subtle hints that she would welcome it if he were to ask her out. Subtle had given way to blatant flirting after a while, but he had still been reluctant to make a move.

She understood why he had been weary of approaching her, but it had been slightly frustrating. Had their situation been different, she would not have had a problem with taking the initiative, but in their case, with her being his superior, the first move had to come from him. When he had finally asked, he had taken her completely by surprise and her reaction had been anything but smooth. With that rather rocky start, and everything that was riding on the success of that new journey they had set out on, she had expected their evening to be a little awkward and uncomfortable. Instead, it had been like all their other dinners over the years, just with a new, romantic touch to it and the heightened awareness of one another in that new context. They had effortlessly glided from friends to more and it had been beyond exciting.

That night, when they had bid each other good night in front of her door, he had kissed her. It had started as an innocent touch of lips on lips, lingering and sweet. He had been very careful not to push her too far until she had drawn him closer with her hands around his neck and deepened the kiss.

She could not remember when she had last spent several long minutes shamelessly making out and the memory of that night still made her tingle with desire for him. Stepping out of his arms and sending him home had been harder than she would have expected, but as much as they had both wanted him to come in, they had known that it was not possible. Rusty had been home and she would not let her son be confronted with this change in their relationship by stumbling into Andy in the middle of the night or worse, hearing things he definitely should not hear.

It had been a long time since Sharon had been with another man. First there had been the Baylor lawsuit and all the long hours she had spent auditing Major Crimes and stopping a damaging information leak. Then she had taken over that division all together, and Rusty had come into her life. Between her insane work hours, adjusting to the changes in her life and helping the boy do the same, the situation with those threatening letters, and fighting to keep him with her, she simply had not had the time and energy to think about her social life.

She had always enjoyed sex, the simple, physical act without the need to connect on an emotional level. That had been reserved for the few times she had allowed her husband to come to her bed and it had lost its appeal after he had hurt and disappointed her once too many. The sheer intensity of her reaction to Andy's touch, to the sensation of his lips on hers, of their tongues dancing, had surprised her. She knew that it would be about more than the purely physical with him, but she had not expected the need to be with him, to connect with him in this most intimate way, to be so strong, so irresistible. She wanted him and she was not sure how long she would be willing and able to wait.

After that first date and its surprisingly heated conclusion, they had decided to slow down a little again. To be honest, her reaction to him had scared her a little. Not the raw lust kissing him had awakened within her. That was something she could deal with, but whatever that thing between them would turn out to be, it could never be just that.

The fact that they worked together called for a little more caution and consideration so they would avoid all the potential pitfalls they were both all too aware of. They were already emotionally entangled due to their close friendship and she did not want to damage that. Andy had told Chief Taylor that they could always go back to being very good friends in case things did not work out, and even though his tone had been a little sarcastic, she wanted to make sure that was possible. There were no guarantees in life. They knew what they wanted, they knew the risks, they had made most of the mistakes before and had a pretty good idea of how to avoid them, but it could still go wrong.

Then there was Rusty. Her boy was not one of their biggest fans right now and although she would not let one of her children decide if, or who she was going to date, she tried to take his issues into consideration. His problem was not really Andy. He liked the older man, he trusted him, and he knew that he would never willingly hurt either one of them. Knowing something in one's head and feeling it in one's heart were not the same thing, however.

For a considerable part of his life, Rusty had been forced to step back whenever his mother had brought home a man. Not only had those men taken away his mother's attention and love, they had also been a threat to both him and his mother. His instincts still told him that a man entering their life was bad news and it would take some time for him to truly understand, in his heart and soul, that things were different in this new life of his. Andy would neither replace him in Sharon's heart nor pose a danger to either of their safety.

Sharon had a feeling that it would be a long road for them to travel, but she would not give up. Rusty's past would not ruin their future and very soon, she would sit him down and have that conversation with him, because so far he had refused to talk about it. All she had to go on was his decidedly grouchy attitude whenever Andy was around and what she knew of his past. As much as she loved him and respected his boundaries, she would not allow him to dictate how she lived her life. Andy meant too much to her to risk losing him because of a moody teenager.

That was the part that really scared her. There was desire and friendship between them, but there was also something deeper, something she was reluctant to explore. She had not expected it to happen this fast. She had cracked the door to her heart open just a little bit to let in a few rays of sunshine, but Andy had walked right in and made himself at home. She might not be ready to say it out loud, or even truly admit it to herself, but she definitely felt it.

While she had had several, mostly short term relationships since Jack left, she had only ever loved him. Until one day she had discovered that the feeling had faded away. His absence, his betrayal of her trust, his abusive words whenever he was drunk – they had chipped away at what had once been almost overwhelming love and devotion. She never thought that she would feel it again, had always assumed that that was it for her. She had loved and she had lost and all that was left for her were casual connections when the chance presented itself.

Now she had Andy in her life and "casual" was not a word she would use to describe their relationship. Not anymore. Over the last few days she had done a lot of thinking. The idea to slow down and date in the very traditional sense of the word had been intended for them to find out what they meant to each other once they left the realm of friendship, to see if they were on the same page emotionally. She cared for him deeply and she was certain that he returned those feelings. What could be gained by continuing to deny them both what they wanted?

After a long talk on the phone the night before, which they had mostly spent laughing about Special Agent Shea and about Taylor's reaction to their notification, she had been awake for a while, thinking about the fact that his was the last voice she had heard every night for over a week and sometimes even the first she heard in the morning. Although, that had almost exclusively been because of some work-related issue or another, she decided that she liked it that way and it was easy to picture their future like that – falling asleep in each other's arms and waking up the same way. She could imagine spending however long she had left with him and the thought did not feel uncomfortable at all. It was still very early in their relationship to think about all that, but the fact that it seemed possible was enough for her to make a decision; she would simply _be_ today, without rules or restrictions or boundaries. Whatever felt right, she would allow to happen, no matter where it lead them.

Sharon debated whether or not to wear the blue sundress Emily had talked her into buying when she was in New York the summer before Rusty came into her life. It was a little more revealing than what she usually wore with its thin straps and the low scoop neck that showed a rather daring amount of cleavage. The hemline ended a good way above her knees without being too scandalous. So far, she had not had the courage and opportunity to wear it, but this date might be the perfect occasion. Andy would most definitely appreciate her choice.

Searching through her underwear drawer, she picked out a matching set of crimson lace that created an impressive décolleté and set off her pale skin and green eyes. It might be a little presumptuous of her to assume that he would even get to see her without her dress, but the thought sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. Putting a lot of effort into concentrating on getting dressed, Sharon tried to avoid thoughts of Andy's hands skimming over her skin as he peeled her out of her clothes.

She was searching for her tan sandals when he knocked on her door. Abandoning the search for the moment, she rushed down the hall, briefly pausing in front of the mirror to make sure everything looked the way it was supposed to before she pulled the door open.

The sight that greeted her took her breath away. She had seen Andy in his work suits and in a variety of casual clothes over the last few years, but this was new. His tight, black t-shirt drew her attention to his broad chest and strong arms, her mind jumping to thoughts of feeling them around her and her fingers twitching with the need to feel his muscles ripple underneath the soft fabric. The dark blue jeans he wore gave her wicked ideas about slipping her hands into their back pockets and drawing him against her. And the boots – good lord, the boots!

For a long moment they simply stared at one another, both lost in their own world of thoughts that should be off-limits. She felt his gaze on her, burning into her skin as he let it travel over her, lingering where her dress revealed more than he was used to seeing from her before meeting her own. Heat built up inside her, starting in her core and moving along her veins and nerves until it tingled in her fingers and toes; it zapped between them like static electricity, pulling her towards him and him towards her.

Sharon could not pinpoint the exact moment she made the decision, or if it was even a conscious one, but when she felt his solid form against her, his soft, warm lips moving underneath hers, when his arms came around her to hold her close and when he moaned into their hungry kiss as she pressed him into the wall, it was no longer relevant. She wanted him and he wanted her and nothing stood in their way, except her own fear and a petulant teenager, neither of which she had ever allowed to rule her life.

"Sharon," he moaned between kisses, a question, a warning, but she silenced him with a single finger against his mouth before she replaced it with her lips, drawing him into another kiss and away from his doubts. For once she did not wish to speak. They had done enough of that over the years and if they paused now to examine their motives, she would have second thoughts once again. Her own insecurities would win over what they both wanted.

In that moment, with Andy's body pressed against hers and his arms holding her close, she knew that they were doing the right thing. It was not as sudden a development as it might seem and she saw no reason why talking about her feelings would be preferable to acting on them. Andy seemed to agree, letting her distract him without further protest.

It was instant madness. It was wandering hands, groping and stroking and clawing. It was long, drawn-out kisses, a fight for dominance that only had winners. It was lips and tongues and teeth sucking, licking and nipping at every inch of exposed skin. It was hips rocking against hips in time with a melody that was only heard by them. It was moans and groans and hums filling the otherwise silent apartment, fueling the fire. They were caught in a strong current of passion, drawing them farther and farther from the shore. She should be frightened, but as her hands slipped under his t-shirt and push it up to bare his chest to her exploring mouth, any thought of safety was pushed from her mind and she gave herself up to the wild, untamed waves, pulling him along with her.

Andy hissed when her teeth closed around one of his nipples, tugging gently before her tongue soothed it. He willingly raised his arms, allowing her to divest him of his shirt, only to slip them around her waist once again to draw her against him. She felt his growing excitement dig into the soft pillow of her belly and rubbed against him, coaxing a growl from deep inside his chest. He let his hands glide up and down her sides, his thumbs brushing against the sides of her breasts, making her arch her back.

He trailed heated kisses along her jaw and down her throat, tracing her collar bone with his tongue and nipping at the soft flesh where neck met shoulder. His fingers moved up her arms in feather-light caresses, hooking under the thin straps and drawing them down, gently tugging until the dress slid down to land at her feet in a cloud of blue cotton.

What followed was a moment of complete stillness as he stared open-mouthed, taking in the creamy skin and crimson lace he had revealed. She was flushed with arousal, her chest heaving, her swollen lips parted and her eyes almost black. His brain was about to shut down, or maybe it already had. His head was still spinning from the unexpected turn of events and having her in front of him looking like sex personified did nothing to help him recover.

She saw the helpless desire in his eyes, saw his eyes rake over her barely covered body and any thought of modesty or shame or trying to hide her imperfections vanished before they had a chance to take root. She let him study her, let his hungry expression stoke the fire inside her belly, fighting against the urge to move, to continue their frantic exploration.

The sight of his length straining against the confining fabric of his jeans snapped the tight rein she had on her control. Reaching out, she let her fingers glide down his chest and over his belly until she reached his belt. Fumbling with the buckle, she managed to open it and got to work on the buttons of his pants, her motions hurried, fueled by the need to see, to touch, to taste. He twitched excitedly every time she brushed against him and she noticed how much it took for Andy not to push into her touch.

When she finally got the last button undone, Sharon trailed soft kisses down his torso, nipping and licking and blowing air over his skin, making him shiver as she moved down. Sinking to her knees in front of him, she tugged at his pants, pulling them and his briefs down his legs until they pooled around his feet. Sitting on her haunches, she stroked her hands up and down his legs, enjoying the feeling of coarse hair against her palms as her eyes devoured the beauty of his arousal.

His muscles trembled under her touch as she raked her nails along the inside of his thighs, dangerously close to where he wanted to feel her. Her mouth was only inches from his length, hot puffs of air hitting his skin and making him twitch. When she finally flicked her tongue against him, he had to fight the urge to let his eyes close, he wanted to see her, could not tear his gaze away from the intensity of hers.

Wrapping a gentle hand around his length, she drew a groan from him. Sharon gave him a devious smile, licking her lips in anticipation and letting her tongue circle his sensitive head, before she let him slip between her lips. The sensation of her mouth around him, the almost painful scrape of her teeth and the gentle friction of her tongue was too much. For months he had tried to imagine what it might be like if they ever took that step, but never in his wildest dreams had he thought of this, of Sharon kneeling at his feet in her hallway, of her enjoying this so much. And she did enjoy it; her sparkling eyes and the low hums were proof of that. It nearly drove him crazy.

Andy felt tension coil in his belly, moving along his limbs, pulsing through him until he had to close his eyes. As much as he loved what she was doing to him, there were other things he was dying to do with her and that would not happen if she kept going.

His hands, which up until that moment had been curled into fists, hanging loosely at his sides, moved into her hair. The thick, soft strands slipped through his fingers and for a few seconds he was tempted to grab onto them, to hold her close and drive into her welcoming mouth until he lost hold of the last thread of his control. Instead, he let his hands drop down to her shoulders and gently pushed her away from him.

She knew he was close, could tell from the tension that ran through his muscles and the barely restrained thrusts of his hips. Part of her longed to make him lose control right there, to revel in having that kind of power over him and to give him the release he sought, but she would do that another time, when her own need was not so overwhelming, when she knew what it felt like to be one with him in every way. So she relented when he gently nudged her back a little, allowing his glistening length to slip out of her mouth. His fingers feathered along her arms, gooseflesh rising in their wake, until he wrapped them around her hands, effectively stopping her exploration of his need. With an insistent tug, he helped her to her feet, not commenting on the groan of discomfort she tired to suppress. Maybe she should think of a more comfortable position for the next time, as she seemed to be getting a little too old to be crawling around on the floor.

Any thoughts of her age immediately evaporated when she looked up into his eyes, darkened with desire and burning with an intensity that took her breath away. He let his arms wrap around her and drew her against him, his mouth finding hers for another heated kiss. Her hands sliding into the short hair at the back of his head, she gave in to the passion of their exchange, one leg hooking behind his as she rocked her hips against him, seeking the stimulation she needed. Her actions made him push her away once more and she gave him a slightly confused look, her brain already too fuzzy with desire to understand immediately. When he turned her around until she faced the wall, planting her hands flat against it next to her head, his body pressed against hers from behind, she realized what he was trying to do. His words stirred more than just the soft wisps of hair that curled against her cheek as he whispered into her ear, voice raw with need.

"You have to give me a moment here, Sharon. Let me take care of you for a bit."

She wanted to kiss him, to touch every inch of his body, to feel him inside her, but she surrendered to the feather light touch of his fingers as they caressed her heated skin, to the soft kisses, the licks and nips he trailed along the side of her face, down her neck and across her shoulders. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against the wall and allowed herself to simply _feel_ , to selfishly take what he was offering.

The last time anyone had taken the time to explore her body so thoroughly, to discover every spot that made her moan or squirm or whimper, to learn all the different sounds that could be drawn from her, was decades ago, a hazy memory of the early years of her marriage. Andy would not be hurried, punishing every attempt she made to speed things up with playful bites and tickles, keeping her in that exhilarating space between arousal and laughter until his hands finally brushed over her breasts and her shriek of surprise upon his discovery of a particularly ticklish spot turned into a drawn-out moan. His nails scraped over the lacy material of her bra, the friction of the rough fabric against her sensitive skin making her shiver in anticipation.

He alternated between gently kneading her soft mounds and rolling her hard nipples between his fingers until she arched her back, pushing into his touch, seeking more, begging him not to stop. Hooking his fingers under the layer of crimson lace, he pulled it down until her breasts spilled into his hands. She heard his groan as he peered over her shoulder to study her. Looking down, Sharon was mesmerized by the contrast between his tanned hands and her creamy skin, by how carefully he cradled her sensitive flesh. And then he let his fingers continue their journey down her body, drawing shivers and moans from her as they glided over her stomach and along the edge of her panties, caressing her through the fabric, but never coming close to where she wanted to feel him.

She was burning for his touch, could feel herself begin to respond. It took longer for her these days to reach the point where no artificial help was necessary to take things further, but Andy seemed determined to get her there. His slow, teasing motions helped build up the anticipation to an almost unbearable level until he finally slipped one hand into her panties, allowing his fingers to dip between her folds. For a split second she was worried about his reaction to her slow physical response, wondering how much experience he had with women her age, but his gentle exploration, the slowly increasing pressure of his touch as he circled her clit, the hand on her stomach that pulled her back against his hardness and anchored her to him – all chased away her concerns.

Step by painfully unhurried step he took her closer to the edge, his hands and lips creating a cocoon of sensuality that made her forget everything else. Nothing existed in these precious moments but the two of them and the ever-increasing pressure inside of her. When it came, her release was gentle, a soothing wave that washed over her, carrying her along for a moment and leaving her utterly sated, yet strangely energized.

Feeling safe in the shelter of his strong arms, one of his hands still between her legs, feeling the pulsing of her inner muscles, she let her head rest against his chest and basked in the afterglow, her heart close to bursting with affection for this man who gave of himself so selflessly.

Instead of calming her desire for him, Andy's touch had only intensified it. Turning in his arms, Sharon placed her hands against his cheeks, caressing them with her thumbs as she stared into his eyes. The emotions tumbling around inside her were too many to put into words, but she hoped that he could see them in her gaze, could feel them in her touch and in her kisses. Letting her hands slide down his arms, she laced her fingers through his, gently tugging him along as she took a few deliberate steps towards her bedroom, her eyes never leaving his.

There was no need for either of them to play coy, to question what they were about to do. They were too far gone with desire for that. She wanted him, and it was more than obvious that he wanted her and for a short moment she was tempted to let it happen right there in her hallway. The thought of a quick, hard, and messy encounter against a wall was endlessly stimulating, but it was not what she had had in mind for their first time. There would be many occasions for that in the future. For now, they had an entire day to explore and to learn and to enjoy and they intended to take advantage of it.

It was slow and sensual, nothing more than endless kisses and tender caresses for a long time. They brought one another to the brink of madness and back countless times, alternately exciting and soothing until the need for completion could no longer be denied. This time, her release was powerful and overwhelming, the fire he had been stoking for the better part of an hour flaring up, burning through her body, along her limbs, until it exploded behind her closed eyes, leaving her breathless and trembling with exhaustion as she collapsed on top of him.

Andy had tumbled over the edge with her, his groan loud in her ear as he had held her close. She felt his heart pounding underneath her cheek, his chest rising and falling with his rapid breaths, their skin sticky with sweat. Sharon felt him slowly slip out of her, already missing the intimate connection as she tried to muster the energy to disentangle her limbs from his and make it to the bathroom. She had never cared much for the messy aftermath, always eager to get cleaned up, to wash away the evidence, but this time she did not mind. The need to stay in his arms, to linger in the comforting glow of their joint release was stronger. Words were not necessary as they both relished the quiet, soothing sense of togetherness. There was so much she wanted to tell him, so many things they needed to talk about, but all that would keep for a little while.

Sharon felt sleep tug at her, urging her to surrender, but the persistent sound of a familiar and rather annoying ringtone drew her back to the present. She gently nudged the softly snoring form beneath her until he grunted and reluctantly opened his eyes to face her.

"Andy, your phone is ringing," she complained, her voice heavy with exhaustion. Neither one of them made any move to get up, contend to ignore whoever had decided to disturb them. That was until another melody joined the first, this one coming from her own phone that was located in the purse that sat on the chair next to her bedroom door. They sighed, resigned to the fact that they would have to get up. If both their phones rang at the same time, that could only mean one thing. Their division had caught a case and their presence was required.

Planting one last, lingering kiss against the corner of his mouth, Sharon crawled out of bed to retrieve the persistently chiming device, a quick glance at the caller ID confirming her suspicion. Taking a deep breath, she pushed her frustration about being disturbed aside. This would only be the first of many such interruptions, so the sooner she got used to it, the better.

"Chief, what can I do for you?"

As she listened to Taylor's account of their latest case, she watched Andy dart from her room only to return a moment later with their clothes in one hand and his phone in the other. His twitching jaw muscles and the frown that was etched into his forehead spoke of his annoyance and she wished that he would look at her, if just for a second so that the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach would go away.

By the time she had finished with Taylor, Andy was dressed and ready to go, having obtained the basic information from Provenza. He did not meet her eyes when he told her that he would see her at the crime scene. And then he was gone, leaving her behind without so much as a peck on the lips, the unsettling feeling having turned into a solid rock.

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 **~~TBC~~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Home In Your Heart**

 **Chapter 2**

by Kate04

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When she arrived at the crime scene almost fifty minutes later, she found a familiar jumble of organized chaos. Patrol officers guarding the perimeter, SID securing evidence and her own detectives trying to assemble all the facts. Mike and Lieutenant Provenza briefed her on what they had so far – the body of an eleven year old boy in his father's house and no trace of either the father or the boy's seven year-old sister.

According to Kendall's preliminary examination the cause of death appeared to be suffocation. Little Bobby Evans was still tucked into his bed, looking as if he was asleep when patrol found him after his mother had called the police. Apparently, she and her ex-husband had had a fight over the phone when he had allegedly threatened to kill her and the kids. In a panic she had called 911, begging them to send someone to Mr. Evans' house to check on her kids, claiming he had sounded as if he was on drugs again. She had been told to stay at home and wait for someone to contact her. Julio and Amy were currently on their way to pick her up and bring her to the precinct.

Sharon briefly closed her eyes at the thought of having to notify the woman of her son's death and the fact that her daughter was missing. Notifications like that were never easy, but they were especially painful when little children were involved and she could already feel the darkness of this case draw her in. Her eyes took in her surroundings, a simple but lovingly decorated room that showed the victim's love for superheroes, searching for the one person she knew could make her feel better with nothing more than a tender look and a gentle smile.

Andy was talking to Kendall, making sure they had everything the man could tell them before he sent the body off to the morgue. He looked tense and upset, which was not surprising, considering the nature of their case. What concerned her, however, was his refusal to even acknowledge her presence. Usually, his eyes would find hers whenever she entered a room, no matter what was going on around them. He would always take a moment to meet her eyes, to give her a smile. Even if it was a grim one, or nothing more than a slight twitching of the corners of his mouth, or a softening of his gaze, he would always let her know that he was glad to see her. Not this time, however. He simply ignored her.

Pushing her ever-increasing unease aside, she issued her orders, sending Lieutenants Tao and Provenza to the morgue and asking Andy and Buzz to meet her at the office. Whatever problem Andy had with her, and despite the fact that his behaviour hurt, she needed him to work with her. Out of all her officers, he was the best at giving notifications. They had all done more than enough of those over the years and every one of them was absolutely capable, but Andy had a special way of connecting with family members that made him the best choice for what lay ahead of them. If she had the faint hope that he might let go of whatever was bothering him once they got to work together, it did not influence her decision.

When she arrived at the office twenty minutes later, he was already there, starting to arrange photos on the murder board. He always drove like a maniac, only reigning in his slightly reckless driving when she was in the car with him, because he knew it made her uncomfortable. The thought made her smile as she stepped up to him, placing a gentle hand between his shoulder blades to get his attention. She wished that she could simply lean into him and feel his arms around her, to rest her head against his chest and shut out the world for a little while, but this brief touch would have to be enough until they found Bruce and Jenna Evans. Then they would have all the time in the world to be close to one another.

She was ripped out of her pleasant thoughts when Andy stepped away from her, practically shrugging off her hand, his face completely devoid of any warmth. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she took a thin breath, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in her chest, the pressure of barely suppressed tears behind her eyes and the bitter taste of distant, painful memories resurfacing. She would not let her personal problems get in the way of her work, and maybe she was just imagining things. Cases like that tended to get to all of them and everyone had different ways of coping with the emotional fallout. As they made their way into the conference room to meet with Mrs. Evans, Sharon tried her best to push aside the disturbing suspicion that it might be more than a tough case and concern for a missing child.

As the day went on and turned into night, the evidence began to come together to reveal an entirely different, even more horrible scenario than the out-of-control custody disagreement they had initially suspected. They followed lead after lead, running into one dead end after the other until a tip from a jogger who thought he had heard shots led them to a remote trail in the hills where they found Mr. Evans and his daughter, both dead from a single gunshot to the head. The gun was still clasped in the man's hand, his little girl held securely in his arms.

When she saw the video of the crime scene, Sharon had to swallow hard against the sudden need to be sick. How any parent could ever hurt their child was beyond her, a part of human depravity she would never understand. It hurt her heart to see this young and innocent life ended so senselessly and by someone who should have protected it.

Once Dr Morales' preliminary report came in a few hours later and confirmed murder-suicide as well as the fact that Mr. Evans had been on drugs, just as his ex-wife had claimed, she and Andy joined Mrs. Evans to share their sad news. While Sharon held the sobbing woman, her own eyes filling with tears, she watched Andy comfort the grieving mother, a gentle hand on her back and his voice soft and reassuring as he mumbled soothing words.

After a long moment, they were relieved by the grief counselor who would stay with Mrs. Evans until her mother and sister arrived from San Diego to take her home. As they stepped outside the conference room, Sharon hoped to get a few minutes alone with him, longing for the comforting presence of her friend. She tried to catch his eye, her hand reaching out to brush his arm in a tender caress, but he stepped away from her, once again evading her attempt to connect with him. He had done that all day, walking away whenever she came close, avoiding being alone with her at all costs, refusing to even acknowledge her presence beyond what was strictly required to do their jobs.

"Excuse me, Captain. I've got a report to finish." His tone was cold and overly formal in a way it had not been since long before she had joined Major Crimes and it hurt, opening a wound she had thought healed long ago. He was dismissing her, shaking her off like an annoying fly. Her stomach turned at the realization that he had played her. For some reason, Sharon had thought that he would be different, that he wanted the same things she did, but apparently she had been mistaken. He had gotten what he had wanted and now he was ready to move on. Maybe it had been the challenge that had kept him around for so long, but now that she had given in to his charms, he was not interested any longer.

Why did she keep making the same mistakes over and over again? Had her marriage not taught her enough? How often had Jack charmed his way back into her heart only to toss her aside once she had given him what he had wanted? She should have known better than to let another man get that close to her, and now she would have to do what she had done so many times over the last few decades. She would breathe through the pain, clean up the mess he left behind and move on without him. The feeling of being abandoned was familiar and her emotional response to it almost automatic. She already felt herself shut down. If only she could go home and get away from him for a little while, just long enough for the persistent pain in her chest to dull a little.

* * *

It was almost eight in the evening by the time they got to leave the office with orders from Taylor not to show up the next day unless someone shot the Mayor. Sharon had lost count of how many times she had had to fight down the tears over the last thirty hours and she could not wait to get home. If she remembered correctly, Rusty should be out with some friends from college just as he had been the day before. The last thing she needed was for the boy to ask her what was wrong with her. It was not anything she wanted to talk about with him or anyone else, but he was far too perceptive to buy any evasive maneuvers. He would worry, which meant that he would hover, trying to figure out what he could do to make her feel better. It was sweet, but she could not deal with that at the moment.

She was relieved to find the condo deserted when she got home and, determined to shed the horrible day, she walked straight down the hall and into her bedroom, already opening her blouse on the way. As she stepped through the bedroom door, her eyes fell onto the rumpled bed, the blanket almost sliding off the end, looking exactly as they had left it the day before. Her breath caught in her throat when she noticed the lingering scent of sex and Andy's cologne. Maybe it was her imagination playing tricks on her, but the smell brought back memories of them, of his gentle touch and his sweet kisses, of passion and laughter and love.

She snorted at that last thought, angrily wiping the tears off her cheeks. Love - what a joke. He had never loved her. All he had wanted was to get her into bed, to be able to claim that he screwed the Ice Queen. How many officers had tried that over the many years she had been in FID? She had always been able to recognize it before, but it seemed that Andy had played his cards right. He had lulled her into a false sense of security, had given her the impression that he really cared about her. She had let her guard down and now she was paying the price.

Dropping her purse and jacket into the chair next to the door, Sharon angrily yanked at the sheets, stripping the bed down in an attempt to erase his lingering presence from the room. Her vision was blurry from the stubborn tears that she could not suppress. Discarding her glasses as she dumped he sheets into the hamper, she brushed her hands over her eyes, trying to wipe away the tears, not paying any attention to the makeup she was smudging in the process. She ripped the window open before she found a couple of scented candles inside one of her drawers and lit them. It was a ritual she had developed many years ago, one she had observed whenever Jack had breezed through her life, leaving her with his mess and a broken heart. It was her own little exorcism.

Once the candles were lit and the soft scent of magnolia started to fill the room, Sharon began a methodical search of her apartment, picking up anything that belonged to or reminded her of Andy Flynn.

There was the Dodgers cap sitting on the sideboard in her bedroom, something he had gotten her when they had gone to the game together, because he thought it would look cute on her. She tried not to think about the bright smile on his face when he had put it on her head, gently brushing her hair off her shoulder and tucking a strand behind her ear.

She snatched the large, dark blue LAPD hoodie off the back of a chair, wiping fresh tears off her cheeks as she remembered the night he had given it to her. There had been an unfortunate incident with a neighbour's sprinkler as they had taken a walk near his home after an elaborate dinner he had cooked for her. Her blouse had been completely soaked, providing her with a pleasant refreshment on a hot day and him with an interesting view. His intense gaze had made her tingle all over, a blush rising into her cheeks when she realized that the outline of her lace bra was clearly visible through the white silk. Once they had gotten back to his house, he had handed her a towel and the hoodie and pointed her towards his bathroom. She had not bothered to return it to him afterwards, enjoying its softness and the thought of being wrapped in something that belonged to him.

Tossing it and the cap onto the bed, she stormed out of her room, determined to rid the rest of the condo of any evidence that he had ever been part of her life. As she collected a book she had borrowed and the purple tie he had taken off a few evenings ago in order to relax, she reflected on how entwined their lives had become over the last year. Little things had invaded her place - more than just his possessions. Her refrigerator now always contained a box of cranberry juice and next to the coffee maker sat a container of decaffeinated coffee, something he liked to drink in the evenings now, a compromise between the coffee he loved and the tea his doctor said he should drink. On the top shelf of her pantry where she kept her emergency chocolate supplies and the chips Rusty liked was a pack of salted peanuts, and the jars of tomato sauce that used to occupy the shelf below were now absent. He had taken one look at them before he had lectured her on the proper way of preparing pasta sauce. They had spent an hour in her kitchen, teasing each other and laughing while they cooked before they ate their delicious meal, sharing tender smiles and shy looks.

She would get rid of all those things, would toss them out with the trash and a stubborn part of her decided that she would go back to using pasta sauce from a jar, even though that might have been a little childish.

When her eyes landed on the dark green silk scarf that lay over the back of her couch, she froze, letting the book and tie she still held drop onto the small table beside it before she sank into the cushions, clutching the soft fabric to her chest. It had been a present for her birthday only a few weeks ago. He had taken her out to a romantic restaurant at the beach, even though they had not acknowledged the obvious mood of the place at that time. When he had given her the present, saying how the colour had reminded him of her eyes, she had looked at him, with his crooked grin and the slight hint of embarrassment shining in his eyes and cheeks. Something had shifted inside her in that moment. For the first time in many years she had believed that she might actually have found love again.

The realization that her feelings were not returned was bad enough, but when she thought about all the things she had shared with him, how much of herself she had revealed over the almost two years of their friendship, her stomach turned as she sobbed into the scarf. He was the first person she had told about her wish to adopt Rusty, long before it was even an option. It was him she had called when her fear for her son's life had kept her awake at night, when she had fought bitter fights with the boy over his wish to help catch the letter writer. It was Andy who had been there for her when she had been forced to send Rusty to Lieutenant Provenza's place, who had sat with her through half the night and listened to her, who she had allowed to hold her when she had not been able to fight the tears any longer.

She had talked to him about Jack, about the drinking and the gambling, about how he had left her with two little children and so much debt that she had not known how to buy groceries, let alone make the mortgage payments. Sharon had never spoken about these things to anyone, except her parents, who she had been forced to ask for help in order to keep the house. It hurt to talk about Jack, to admit to the spectacular failure that her marriage had been, but with Andy she had felt safe. When the divorce had turned into a mud fight, revealing Jack's less than pleasant side, she had leaned heavily on Andy. Many late night walks along the beach had been spent revealing the damage Jack had done to her heart and soul, how hurtful he became when he was drunk, how many times she had cried into her pillow after the children were asleep, because her husband had made her feel worthless.

It was hard to believe that she had misread him so much, that she had been so wrong to trust him with these intensely private things and a part of her wanted to confront him, to beg him to tell her that she was mistaken, that he had not simply led her on. Sharon Raydor did not beg, however. She knew how to take a cue. She did not linger where she was not wanted and she did not force her company on anyone. It had never worked on Jack back when she had still tried to get him to come back. All she had gotten out of that had been pain and embarrassment. Experience had taught her that it was better to let go, even if her heart told her that this time would be different, that this time fighting would accomplish something. More times than she could count, Sharon had refused to listen to experience and reason and had gone with her heart, only for her heart to be broken again and again and again. She had learned her lesson.

It would take a while for her to get over her hurt feelings, but she would pick herself up as she had many times before, and life would go on. Somehow she would find a way to continue working with him. It was a promise she had made Chief Taylor and she would keep it. If only it did not feel as if someone had ripped her heart out of her chest.

* * *

 **~~TBC~~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Home In Your Heart**

 **Chapter 3**

by Kate04

* * *

She must have dozed off at some point, because insistent knocking on her door startled her awake. Her eyes felt swollen and gritty and her vision was blurry as she padded to the door, opening it without bothering to check who was in front of it. When she stood face to face with Andy Flynn, she regretted that oversight immediately, wishing she could have pretended not to be home. He was the last person she was prepared to see at that moment, with his cheerful grin and the bag of takeout.

"What are you doing here?" While she usually at least attempted to be polite when faced with unwelcome visitors, it was too much of an effort this time. She derived some small sense of satisfaction from the look of confusion that passed over his face, although she had no idea what reason he had to be confused about her reaction.

"I brought dinner. Didn't think you'd feel like cooking tonight." He sounded hesitant, his statement almost a question as he made a careful step towards her, holding the white plastic bad out in front of him like a shield. It made him look almost adorable, but that only served to intensify her anger. What business did he have showing up at her door, acting all considerate and cute after treating her as if she did not even exist for the last two days? It was another thing she was all too familiar with from her ex-husband. Only he had usually been gone for months before bothering to show up again.

"I do not remember asking you to come over and I am not hungry, so please take your food and leave."

He almost took a step back at the icy tone and the biting words that hit him. It was obvious that she had been crying by her red eyes and smeared makeup and it did not surprise him; not after that kind of case, and maybe a year or two ago he would not have been surprised for her to send him away, but after all they had been through together, after all they had shared, he thought she trusted him. Instead of letting him comfort her as she had done so many times before, she gave him a sample of the ice queen and it made his stomach knot in anger.

It was something Jack had said to him a while ago when they had run into each other at court. With the law enforcement community being such a small world, the other man had already heard that he and Sharon were dating and had thought it appropriate to impart some of his wisdom on Andy. He had told him to enjoy Sharon as long as he could, because sooner than he'd think possible she'd turn cold on him, that once he had taken care of her itch, she would freeze him out. Andy had thought Jack was being a jealous, bitter idiot, who learned too late what he had tossed away. Not in his wildest dreams had he thought he could be right.

"Now wait just a god damned minute! What the hell is wrong with you all of a sudden?" Instead of listening to his initial impulse to put some more distance between them, he stepped closer, pushing her backwards none too gently so he could get far enough into the condo to close the door behind him. If she wanted to get rid of him already, she would have to fight him and that was not something he wanted half her building to witness. He saw in the narrowing of her eyes and the pursing of her lips that she was immensely irritated by the fact that he used his superior size to force her to step back. Maybe it gave him more satisfaction that was appropriate, but he did not care. She would have to learn that he was not someone to push around.

A distant, analytical part of his brain wondered what a serious fight between them would look like. They were both incredibly stubborn. So far, their altercations had only been of a professional nature and with her outranking him, he had always had to back off eventually. This time she would have no such luck. This time it was between Sharon and Andy and she would have to fight it out because he would not walk away and he would not let _her_ walk away, either.

With her arms crossed in front of her, her legs slightly apart and her eyes glinting dangerously, she was clearly ready for battle and the moment she spoke again, he knew just how pissed off she really was. Her usually calm and controlled voice shook with anger and, while she was far from screaming, she spoke a lot louder than he was used to hearing from her.

"You've got a lot of nerve, showing up here like this after the last two days and asking _me_ what's wrong with me. And what gives you the right to manhandle me in my own home? If you ever so much as think about doing that again, I will make sure you regret it. And now leave. I don't want you here."

Andy Flynn was not the kind of person who let people threaten him in any way and he also did not like vague accusations, especially when he had done absolutely nothing wrong. He felt his face grow hot with anger, aware that his blood pressure was rising dangerously, but he was too livid to pass out. The fire that was burning inside him would probably keep him going through a heart attack. He had not been this worked up since the last time he had fought with his wife over visitation rights for the kids many, many years ago and it had never occurred to him that Sharon would be the one to get him to this point.

"I don't give a damn if you want me here. I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell has gotten into you all of a sudden? Don't you think I at least deserve to know what happened to turn you into the Ice Queen again?"

Sharon had no idea what exactly happened. One moment he was yelling at her and the next he held her wrists in his hands and pushed her into the wall with enough force to knock the air out of her lungs. _Ice Queen_. The word still rang in her ears, a painful reminder of many bitter fights with another man who had done nothing but use her. The urge to slap him was still strong, but he had anticipated her intention and had been able to intercept her hand, effectively restraining her despite her attempts to free herself. "Let me go, you bastard. How dare you…"

He did not let her finish. His face right in front of hers, his breath hot against her skin, he hissed a warning at her. "Don't ever try that again, do you understand me?" Sharon was ready to fight him, her eyes narrowing and her muscles straining against his firm hold. And then his lips were on hers, rough and demanding, a far cry from the tenderness and sweet passion they had shared in this exact spot only two days ago. Yet, she felt herself respond to him, felt her body sag against his, her lips opening and her tongue seeking his, engaging it in a heated battle for dominance. She bit his lip hard, satisfied at the irony taste of blood. He released her hands to grab fistfuls of her hair, holding her to him as her own hands slid down his chest to curl into the fabric of his shirt.

His body was pressed against hers, trapping her between him and the wall and she could feel his growing arousal grinding against her and the answering burn between her own thighs. Her desire for him was raw and fueled by anger, nothing more than an animalistic urge to mate and it made her sick, giving her the strength to push him away. He stumbled a few steps backwards, one of his hands getting caught in her hair and pulling on it painfully before it came loose.

They were both flushed and breathing heavily, their pupils blown wide as they glared at each other. "Don't!" she hissed, "I am not some cheap whore you can come to whenever you have an itch you need scratched. I am not into that kind of thing."

He had no idea what she was talking about, but implying that he was using her in that way did nothing to lessen his anger. In addition to that, she was right there in front of him, lips swollen from kissing him, all glowing skin and ragged breath, and he swore he could smell her arousal. Letting his lips curl into a cruel smile he closed the gap between them, quickly turning her around and grabbing her hands, trapping them against her chest as he pressed her into the wall once more. His mouth was right next to her ear, his lips brushing against that sensitive spot behind her earlobe as he spoke. "It sure looks like you're into this."

Had he been able to think clearly, Andy would have been appalled at his own behaviour. It was not like him to get pleasure from forcing himself on a woman. On the other hand, if Sharon truly wanted him to stop, he would be on the floor already, curled up and cradling his throbbing balls. He had seen her practice hand to hand combat with Amy in the LAPD gym a while ago and the outcome had surprised the considerable audience the two women had drawn.

Andy felt the tense muscles relax against him as she leaned into him, her backside pushing against his hardness, surprisingly demanding, considering the position she was in. He was ready to take her right there, but something in her tone when she spoke made him stop cold. It was calm and silky smooth, but not in an erotic way. It was devoid of any kind of emotion, as if she had given up and was resigned to whatever might happen.

"This is what you really came here for, isn't it? You felt lonely and thought a quick fuck would make you feel better, right? So what are you waiting for? Go ahead. Take what you want and then leave me alone." She rubbed her firm cheeks against him again, making him groan despite his shock at her words, but before he could react, she continued, her tone deceptively lighthearted. "You know, if you had told me from the start that all you wanted was some no-strings-attached sex, you could have spared yourself the effort of winning my trust and friendship and making me fall in love with you."

Her voice almost broke on the last few words and it tugged at his heart. Releasing his hold on her, he gently turned her around, cradling her face between his hands, thumbs caressing the soft skin of her cheeks as he stared into her eyes. They were a mesmerizing pale green, tears lingering on her lashes, threatening to fall. He could not have looked away if he had wanted to. So many emotions shone in her expressive gaze, but all he could focus on was that she said she had fallen in love with him.

It hurt so much. Her entire being burned with unbearable desire for the man who had inflicted so much pain on her. It was the ultimate betrayal, her own body wanting the one thing that would break her. She would let him take her and she knew that she would get her own perverse pleasure out of it. Afterwards he would finally leave her alone to nurse her broken heart, to try and put herself back together. She had not meant to reveal to him the depth of her feelings for him. It was pathetic in light of the most recent development, and yet she had done just that, had given him one more thing to use against her.

Instead of laughing at her stupidity or making a crude comment before he took her up on her invitation, she felt him deflate, turning her around to face him, his touch suddenly tender and his eyes soft and loving. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight, but she pushed the treacherous feeling of hope away again, even when he stared into her eyes, his own gaze full of confusion and wonder and a thousand unanswered questions. His mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to find something to say and when he finally did speak, his tone was incredulous and he shook his head in disbelief.

"How on earth could you ever think that I don't love you?" She stared at him for a long while, struggling to comprehend his words.

"You left me." The words came tumbling out of her, obviously not making any sense to him as they technically were not true. That was, however, what it had felt like to her. Briefly closing her eyes and drawing a calming breath, she tried again.

"You pulled away from me. We had this breathtaking time together and suddenly you didn't look at me anymore. You avoided me wherever you could and whenever I reached out to you, you pulled away." Fresh tears were running down her cheeks as she relived the pain of every step he took away from her touch or every time he lowered his eyes to hide from hers. He brushed them away with his thumbs and planted a chaste kiss against the corner of her lips before he rested his forehead against hers, his arms slipping around her, closing his eyes as the pieces suddenly slid into place. He was an idiot. Why had he not seen it before?

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Hurting you was the last thing on my mind. I tried so hard not to screw this up that I almost lost you over it." He kissed her again, lingering a little longer this time. "We agreed to keep this out of the office and I was trying to do that the only way I knew how. Dammit Sharon, I could still feel your touch on my skin and every time you came close enough for me to smell your perfume, all I could think about was to bury my nose in your hair and find that sweet spot behind your earlobe that makes you shudder."

As if to prove his point, he did just that, grinning against her skin as he felt her body tremble. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to stand next to you and not touch you, how much I ached to hold you when I saw how hard that case was hitting you. I was so scared to do something stupid that all I could think of doing was keep my distance. I never meant to make you doubt my feelings for you. Don't ever doubt that I love you."

His last words were whispered right into her ear and they sent a pleasant heat through her body. It was a completely different feeling than the rage and blind hunger she had felt only moments ago. It was comforting and reassuring and it allowed her to breathe. Wrapping her arms around him, she let her palm rest against his shoulder blades, her head laying against his chest and her face buried in his neck, allowing her to inhale his scent, hints of aftershave and something uniquely Andy.

"Please don't do that again. I can't… It took me to a very dark place, one I would really rather not visit again and it set something inside me in motion that I simply could not control. We will find a balance somehow and I'm sure it's going to get easier to restrain ourselves, but we need to keep talking. We can't shut one another out. I've been down that road and it did not end well."

She felt him nod, his arms tightened, pulling her almost painfully close, but she did not complain. She was exactly where she wanted to be, wishing he would never let her go. The exhaustion of the last couple of days was quickly catching up with her and she felt her eyelids drooping. Planting a sloppy kiss against his neck, she hugged him closer, her apology mumbled into his skin, but completely heartfelt. "I'm sorry for having been such a bitch earlier. I should have trusted you instead of jumping to conclusions. I know that you're not Jack, but…" How could she explain to him the all-consuming fear of loss and abandonment his behaviour had triggered? It was unfair and completely unjustified and unreasonable, but she had been beyond any sort of rational consideration.

Maybe at some point she would stop being surprised by how understanding Andy was when it came to her issues. When he pushed her away from him just far enough so that he could look into her eyes, his hands gently resting on her shoulders and a lopsided smile on his lips, that familiar sense of warmth and comfort settled inside her once more. His voice rumbled deep inside his chest and she longed to let her ear rest in that spot over his heart and feel the soothing vibrations move through her. "I know. I get it, Sharon. We both have our baggage and we both carry some emotional landmines around with us. We're bound to step into it occasionally, but we'll be okay as long as we promise each other to speak up when that happens before it blows up in our faces again. You think we can do that?"

She nodded and let him pull her against his chest once again. With a contented sigh Sharon closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift for a little while, soaking up the joy of being close to him. "Andy?" She waited for his quiet grunt of acknowledgement before she went on. "I love you, too."

It felt good to finally say the words – not as something she blurted out due to her anger like she had earlier, but really, truly meaning them. She had known for a while now, but saying it out loud was strangely liberating, not at all as frightening as she had thought it would be. His lips brushed against her forehead as one of his hands slipped into her hair, gently massaging her scalp and making her moan at the simple pleasure of his touch. "I know."

His confident reply made her smile. Maybe this confidence was the reason why it had been so easy to say the words, because she felt it, too. They had gotten through their first major argument and she could not remember ever having been this sure of another person's love for her. They would most certainly have more fights and there would be other misunderstandings and instances of their past experiences causing them to react impulsively, but they would overcome those, too. Unlike Jack, Andy was willing to confront her instead of running away when things got difficult. The sudden retreat was something she had learned to expect, so it would take time for her to get used to the fact that Andy was simply too stubborn to leave her. She just hoped that he would not lose patience with her before she got there.

"Can we sleep now? Please?"

He chuckled, making her head bounce uncomfortably against him. Pulling back slightly, she gave him a half-hearted glare before she held out her hand for him to grasp. She looked down as their fingers entwined, fascinated by how perfectly they fit together. Giving his hand a small tug, she started down the hallway towards her bedroom, knowing that he would follow.

Despite their earlier heated encounter, they both wanted nothing more than to sleep. They would both crawl underneath the blanket and curl up together, his arm around her, her head over his heart and their legs entwined. His steady heartbeat would lull her to sleep and he would find comfort in the warm puffs of her breath stirring the soft fuzz of salt and pepper hair on his chest. They would rest easy in the knowledge that, in each other, they had both found something special, a safe place for their hearts, a home for their souls.

* * *

 **~~FIN~~**

* * *

 **Thank you so much for staying with me through this and for trusting me to fix them again (at least I hope you did). A big hug and 'thank you' to all of you who left feedback! Your encouragement and support is very, very much appreciated! :-***


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